No one likes tension. However, we live in a world where tension is inevitable.

Here are points of tension that you may deal with this week:

• maximize profit vs. more revenue
• demands at work vs. time with family
• coaching an employee for development vs. for performance
• strategic vs. urgent
• save vs. spend
• working with an employee vs. helping them move on
• working hard vs. taking time to rest

No one likes tension but it’s impossible to live a day without having to deal with it. You can’t ignore it. You can’t avoid it. So how do we deal with it?

Who was the last person to hurt or offend you? It probably didn’t take long for you to remember. That’s a problem.

We live in a culture where we are flooded by messages that interrupt life. While you read this post it’s likely you’ll receive multiple emails, a text, updates on Twitter and Facebook, and maybe even a phone call. As a leader it’s likely some of these messages flooding your life will be negative or critical. It’s also easy for people to hide behind a keyboard and make statements about people that they would NEVER be brave enough to say face-to-face. I’ve noticed people are much bolder when writing an email, opining on a blog, or sharing a headline on Facebook. We have a culture of cowards where instead of face-to-face discourse many of our critics hide in their rooms behind a keyboard.

The people you spend time with define you. It’s an election year and much of the focus over the last few weeks has been on the vice-presidential picks of the candidates. While the VP is never at the top of the ticket, how and who the presidential candidates select as their VP says a lot about who they are, how they will lead, and the people that will influence their decisions. Who is by your side? Who do you surround yourself with?

I’m not sure five people is the magic number, but the people around you define you. This is especially important in two different areas:

Remember that overly critical leader you worked for who always demanded more and caused frequent burnout and turnover on your team? How about that manager that was super friendly, never held anyone accountable and always made excuses for those that underperformed? These are two extremes on the spectrum of encouragement and challenge. As leaders, we must create environments that our team loves but also that produce results.

What kind of leader are you: a Challenger or Encourager? What kind of environment are you creating? A useful tool to help with this is the Encouragement and Challenge Matrix.